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sustainable self

4/6/2021

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I like to write about expanding our views of what we can influence and be a part of...the flourishing of farmers, garment workers, our planet...grand reimaginings...new discoveries...transformation...hope. But also...all of us have stories and pain and loss and longing and uncertainty. I'm just sitting here with mine for a while...and I'm feeling...how can we do the work of zero-waste, sustainability, the fairdare, environmental activism, standing in solidarity with our fellow human without having a sustainable self? 

I don't have any real answers in this or any other category really. I only ever want to organize my thoughts + offer them up to anyone else who might find a kernel of value that might spark or play with their own thoughts.

Something I've noticed recently is that self-talk is so important. There is a voice inside my head and I need to be aware of what it is saying...to talk back to it...to train it. Cultivating my inner world is of great importance. What we consider over and over and over again...it matters (for better or worse). It may not save us, but it just might sink us.

Self-talk guides the way we "see". I'm reading through my journal from the past year + I recognize thoughts that I've been having...ways of thinking that are now part of me. The situations I find myself in sit inside the world view I've intentionally cultivated. My worldview has deep roots in love, compassion, hope + doing hard things. It values feeling my feelings, whatever they are + knowing there is time for them to change + change again. It knows that there is beauty in me + in the world...even still. 


A few things I've been noticing + trying to keep in mind:
  • It's helpful to ask often: Who do I want to be? What do I want my life to look like? How can I move in that direction? Set intention. Take small steps, big steps...just move.
  • What we read matters. When something catches the eye (or ear) or a sentence catches the breath, stop. Read it again. Write it down. Write more words about what it makes you feel + think. Absorb. Process. Contemplate.
  • What we give our attention to matters. Websites. Shows. Podcasts. People. Choose with intention. 
  • We can choose good things + enjoy them, while trying to keep them in perspective. Keep where your worth comes from in check. Use good things as tools- don't let them start using you.
  • We can create training programs for our minds. What thought patterns do I want to change? How can I work on retraining my brain?

Input matters.

My desire is for your health + thriving. As always, these are just my thoughts + not a substitute for professional mental health care. Please be kind to yourself + ask for help, if you think it might be helpful. ​

Much love to you, my friends, wherever you find yourself today,
You are worthy. You are important. You matter.
Jane
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tend

3/29/2021

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Plant seeds.
Tend to them.
​Watch them grow.
​Those words feel so full of meaningful right now. I'm feeling the need to seed some new thoughts + feelings. To tend the seeds...to pull the weeds...to be gentle with my self...tender. To feel all the feelings in their time...to give them space.

As I plant flowers + food, I'm thinking about also seeding loving thoughts about my body, my worth, my abilities, my connection to higher Love. 

Seeding, tending, noticing with gentleness + intention.

Love,
​Jane
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self-care :: time

8/20/2019

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We are busy people, so time plays a major role in what we consider to be self-care. Depending on our life circumstances...student living with roommates, mama of little ones, newcomer to a new town, or whatever unique circumstances we find ourselves in...we might view time spent in self-care differently. Sometimes time spent alone is what we crave most + at others, time spent with friends is what feeds our souls.

Supportive friendship as well as time + space for ourselves are both important elements of our thriving, healing, rejuvenation + wellness. And yet, I believe that self-care is not truly self-care, if it ultimately leaves us feeling more stressed about our health, time or money. Again our circumstances + preferences can vary widely in this area...and even over an individual lifetime. 

Social media tells us that people are enjoying fabulous times together sitting on exotic beaches, eating colorful meals out on the town, attending lovely parties, dancing wildly at concerts + sipping drinks on picturesque rooftops...laughing all the while. The same social media tells us that time spent alone in self-care involves pedicures + facials + massages + shopping bags. And while lots of those things sound like a lot of fun, I can't honestly afford to do even one of them every week. We can get into real trouble with our budgets, if we let ourselves get carried along by every whim, invitation or expectation (whether our own or other's). Our fear of missing out may leave us without ample time to truly slow down + tune into our own souls.

If time spent with friends is to be true self-care, it might need to look a bit more like this (at least a majority of the time) :: 

-instead of meeting at a coffee shop :: tea + store-bought cookies together at home (a favorite custom from our time in London)

-instead of a weekly zumba class :: morning walks together...or decide on a challenge to do together- to hike all the parks in your city or visit all the landmarks

-instead of a night at the theater :: movie night at home with popcorn (find an air popper on craigslist)- switch off who picks the movie + assigns the next category- fave 80s movie, fave Matt Damon movie, high school fave...

-instead of a day out shopping :: a clothing swap, a tour de thrift shops, a trip to the flea market

-instead of eating out :: 
-taco night- everyone bring a topping or two

-dessert potluck
-every one bring their own dinner to a park
-club sandwich- everyone bring a sandwich + cut them to share

-instead of a night out on the town :: um...most nights out on the town don't leave one feeling better in the morning  ;) 

-instead of sporadic texting :: make a phone call...facetime 
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If time spent alone is to be true self-care, it might look more like this (at least most of the time) ::

-instead of a manicure :: paint nails at home for the cost of the nail polish or grow out the damaged nails + enjoy those healthy, naked nails (!)

-instead of a massage :: use a foam roller...trade massages with your partner...maybe even find a massage table on craigslist to up the luxury for both giver + receiver  

-instead of a coffee shop drink :: figure out some tasty drinks to make at home...even a few little splurges at the grocery store go a lot further than the same money spent at a cafe 

-instead of shopping :: wear what's already in the closet or make-up bag...take the fairdare...declutter your closet...embrace "less" + "enough"...take a no-buy challenge for a period of time...explore what it feels like...learn...grow

-instead of an all day netflix marathon :: declutter, learn something, visit the library, turn on music + dance

-instead of scrolling instagram :: journal, make 
moonlists, meditate, write out feelings in letter form (to God, a friend...send it or don't), stretch, move or get outside

Time spent alone becomes a luxury for moms of young children in particular, not because we want time away from our beloved babes...but because suddenly none of our time or even our own bodies belong to us. As a mama of small children, perhaps my best bit of self-care was protecting my little ones' naps + bedtimes. An overall (not militant) routine is important. Even as my girls grew out of naps, I tried to protect a quiet time when they would play on their own in their rooms for a period of time...so that we could each foster a little independence + alone time. As children grow older, trading playdates + sleepovers + having friends whose children love yours can provide time for self-care...both alone + with friends.

I think that one of the main rejuvenating aspects of time spent either alone or with friends is being intentional about slowing down enough to fully engage + be present in the moments we are spending in this type of self-care. We spend so much of our time trying to multitask or struggling to remember something else we need to get done or feeling stressed about what we have not done. Whether we take two minutes to meditate or sing out loud to that song we love...or four hours to lay on the couch + laugh with friends...we can just try to be fully there.

Be gentle with yourself, friend.

Also in this series on self-care :: roots + wellness 

Lots of love,
Jane
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self-care :: wellness

8/12/2019

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Self-care has become a popular term. It's no wonder, because it sounds so good...so needed. We work long hours whether at school, at work, or caring for children. We have so many things to think about. We are tired + stressed + worried. We need some relief. 

And when something can be sold, the opportunity will be seized upon. The wellness industry was worth $4.2 Trillion (!) at its last assessment + is one of the fastest growing industries in the world. We are thirsty for self-care + many of us are willing to pay for it.

We may think of self-care as moments of rejuvenation + indulging in luxuries...big or small. And often we use it as a sort of soft joke...a wink in the direction of...I work hard. I'm exhausted. I deserve this extra cookie or drink or dress. It's self-care. And sometimes it is just what we needed...and sometimes it's not.


Here's what I'm getting at: what we deem as "self-care" might not truly be self-care, if it ultimately makes us feel worse rather than better. Often the self-care we think of first actually adds to our stress, busyness, money woes or neglect of health. 

My most default method of "self-care" is probably sweets. I love a good dessert or ice-cream. I also like to eat dinner out. The food is good, and I don't have to cook. Both of these are fine on occasion, but done too often would (and sometimes do) cost me peace of mind concerning both my health + my budget.

When it comes to diet, the wellness industry would like to sell us lots of supplements + powders + pressed juices as "self-care". None of these things truly sustain us + most are quite expensive.

The true self-care in this department comes when I do things like:
-buy more fruits + vegetables...maybe roasting a couple of big cookie sheets full of vegetables + keeping it them in the fridge for easy meals
-buy fruit instead of a cookie or fancy drink
-cut up lemon to squeeze into water instead of drinking soda or juice
-make a smoothie at home instead of buying one out (saves sugar + money)
-find simple ways to prepare food ahead
-find something I like + eat it over + over...like carrots + hummus then switch to tomatoes + guacamole...decreases decision fatigue + I can keep it stocked
-take a trip to the farmer's market

Time spent boiling beans never feels like a sparkly self-care moment, but having all those jars in the freezer sure does! Those jars save me time + money + waste + nourish my family. Time spent boiling beans has ripple effects. It genuinely makes me a bit giddy every time I pull a jar out during dinner prep. That is self-care redefined!  :)
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Movement + nature are another major component of self-care in this department. The wellness industry would like us to sell us personal trainers, books, classes, retreats, special clothing + equipment. 

We instinctively know that the true self-care comes from:
-moving...stretching, a few sun salutations, walking, yoga, whatever movement you enjoy
-getting into nature...walking, hiking + biking are great, but so is finding a shady spot for lunch...when it's hot sit on the stoop in the shade in the morning for a few minutes or at least by an open window

On these hottest of days...move, do yoga, or stretch under a fan...get the air moving. Play some vibey, soft music. Getting on the floor changes everything. Take a walk as the sun comes up. Play some happy, energizing music loud + dance. Sign up for a class or a membership, if it's in the budget + you know you'll go...but it's not self-care, if our budgets can't support it.  ;)

Whether or not I feel like tying my shoes to go for a walk in the morning, the outdoor air always holds something to notice...heat, humidity, a breeze, a change. I feel small in the bigness of nature...even in my neighborhood. I usually walk with my girls, so there is conversation + closeness. And back at home, I feel like I've done it (!)...the chore of exercise no longer looms over my head. My legs + my lungs feel stronger. There is a lightness + usually a smile. Now that is self-care...no debt...no guilt...less stress.

​A healthy diet, movement + a little time spent in nature can set us up for another crucial aspect of self-care...sleep. A regular schedule for bedtime + waking is helpful. A twenty minute nap can be a rejuvenating treat as well.  :)

While our circumstances + preferences will vary greatly, I think our thought processes can have something in common along the way. Self-care is not truly self-care if it leaves us feeling more stressed about our health, time or money. True self-care promotes true thriving.  :)

​Also in this series :: roots + time


Love,
​Jane
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self-care :: roots

8/8/2019

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The promotion of self-care is everywhere, and that's no surprise. We live busy lives filled with obligation, and many (most?) of us are left feeling depleted. And when something can be sold...the opportunity is sure to be leapt upon with great vigor. A search for self-care on beauty + fashion websites produces lists of posh meditation + yoga retreat centers or lists of products to purchase. A search on instagram produces pictures of coffeeshop drinks + facials + sculpted eyebrows + toddler's hands painted with nail polish.

When we take a minute to think about what we would truly like to get out of self-care...we might desire it to spark healing + rejuvenation. The way we often partake, however, is more as a sort of quick fix. We look for hits of dopamine/pleasure that we can get from things like shopping + sugar. These indulgences act as a sort of inadequate bandaid used to patch over an unwell life...when what we are really searching for is a feeling of peace within our minds + souls. 

As a matter of perspective: 
--This whole understanding of self-care seems to be relatively new. Self-care has long been a term used in the mental health care field to determine a person's ability to care for him or her self + to perform the activities of daily living such as feeding oneself, bathing, getting dressed, brushing teeth + remaining continent.
--It's interesting to think about what self-care would have meant to the masses up until quite recently. Making sure that a family or tribe had shelter, enough to eat, firewood + appropriate clothing was a full-time endeavor. Surely this is + was considered self-care. This is the way many around the world would still view self-care today.
--Our own views of self-care will vary based on personal preferences + life circumstances. 

I think that many of us (and quite possibly even those mentioned above) could agree to some degree that the goal of good self-care is to enable thriving. Self-care can take many forms, but if we neglect the roots of our stress, anxiety + barriers the effects will be fleeting.

Effective self-care comes down to truly knowing ourselves + taking an honest look at the lives we are living. If self-care is, at least in part, about being able to take care of ourselves...we can start by asking ourselves:
-Am I getting enough sleep?
-Am I feeling nourished through the foods I eat?
-Does showering, washing hair + brushing teeth feel like a chore?
-Is my/our laundry routine working for me/my family?
-How is my health? Mentally? Physically? Spiritually? Am I self-medicating in a negative way?
-Do I have some supportive people in my life? Do I feel isolated?
-Is my living situation clean, safe + nurturing?
-What parts of my life feel overwhelming?


Once we've been thoughtful + honest about our current reality, we can go back to each of these questions + think about what we would like the answer to be or look like. Be as specific as possible. Do you want to start each week with clean sheets + a stack of clean underwear? Do you want your littles to know what to wear each morning? Write it down. This can start to direct our self-care efforts.

Now...clean sheets on Sundays...that's self-care. Organizing your littles' closets so that all five pairs of their pants match all seven of their tees + their two hoodies (it's not just about matching...it's mainly about less)...that's self-care. Another frappe could never touch the thriving that these actions will bring!

We'll dive a little bit deeper into self-care here in the days to come.

My desire is for your health + thriving. As always, these are just my thoughts + not a substitute for professional mental health care. Please be kind to yourself + ask for help, if you think it might be helpful. 

​Also in this series :: time + wellness


Much love,
Jane
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