Writing in my journal this morning, my thoughts turned to cherries. A lot of things haven't been great here lately...but also...

"I can still see fireflies + bats swooping over the garden. I can still taste cherries- searching for the pits with my tongue. I can spit out the pits...while still tasting the cherries. I can do it. The good + the bad come as one- but I still joyfully take it in. I can hold it all at once. The goodness of the cherry is worth dealing with the pits. Dear God, as painful as it is. This is it. Cherries. Harmony. It sucks. It hurts. I hate it. Please, please, no more pits, dear God. No more pits. Oh- but the cherry.

Hope your weekend is all cherry + no pits.  

​Love,
Jane

It's become a sort of mantra around here. Just eat a mango.

We've had lots of conversations lately about the pursuit of pleasure gone wrong. The reigning metaphor seems to involve eating a particular junky treat that everyone knows doesn't really even taste that good...but sometimes it gets eaten in attempt to satisfy a perceived longing. The indulgence never hits the spot. It always leaves us wanting more...so we eat another one + another...or the taste of the unsatisfying treat leads us to reach for a different junky treat that offers no more promise of satisfaction.

I know the cycle too well. I can get stuck thinking: maybe a shopping spree will help my mood. A new-to-me car would make me feel like a more worthy person. A nicer house would make everything better. But once I get that new thing, it isn't long before I realize that that new thing doesn't offer lasting satisfaction.

Often it is the smallest things that bring the greatest joy. My thoughts lately turn to mangos. This juicy, sweet, vibrant yellow fruit brings me joy every time...when I let it...when I slow down enough to notice it...to truly see what an amazing thing it is...when I taste it + smell it + savor it. Stopping to observe a ladybug. Letting my feet feel the grass. Filling a tiny vase with wildflowers. Feeling the wind in my hair. Laying flat on my back with my eyes closed. Rubbing the back of one that I love. Breathing slow + deep. Looking up at the clouds.

When I allow myself to slow down + really take in these simple moments...these are the moments when I truly grasp the goodness of life.

​Take a moment. Make a list of ten tiny ways that you can catch or have caught a glimpse of the immense goodness this world has to offer. Set out this weekend to collect moments...determine them ahead of time or collect them as they come. Collect them as photos or on a written list. I'm guessing they are the simplest things. 

It's in the smallest of moments that I can see a juicy world dripping with love and goodness that every one can grasp + experience to their very core. It's there. It's there for the taking...the embracing...the holding...the experiencing. Take it. Take it. Take it. And live.

Love
Jane

If time spent alone is to be true self-care, it might look more like this (at least most of the time) ::

-instead of a manicure :: paint nails at home for the cost of the nail polish or grow out the damaged nails + enjoy those healthy, naked nails (!)

-instead of a massage :: use a foam roller...trade massages with your partner...maybe even find a massage table on craigslist to up the luxury for both giver + receiver  

-instead of a coffee shop drink :: figure out some tasty drinks to make at home...even a few little splurges at the grocery store go a lot further than the same money spent at a cafe 

-instead of shopping :: wear what's already in the closet or make-up bag...take the fairdare...declutter your closet...embrace "less" + "enough"...take a no-buy challenge for a period of time...explore what it feels like...learn...grow

-instead of an all day netflix marathon :: declutter, learn something, visit the library, turn on music + dance

-instead of scrolling instagram :: journal, make moonlists, meditate, write out feelings in letter form (to God, a friend...send it or don't), stretch, move or get outside

Time spent alone becomes a luxury for moms of young children in particular, not because we want time away from our beloved babes...but because suddenly none of our time or even our own bodies belong to us. As a mama of small children, perhaps my best bit of self-care was protecting my little ones' naps + bedtimes. An overall (not militant) routine is important. Even as my girls grew out of naps, I tried to protect a quiet time when they would play on their own in their rooms for a period of time...so that we could each foster a little independence + alone time. As children grow older, trading playdates + sleepovers + having friends whose children love yours can provide time for self-care...both alone + with friends.

I think that one of the main rejuvenating aspects of time spent either alone or with friends is being intentional about slowing down enough to fully engage + be present in the moments we are spending in this type of self-care. We spend so much of our time trying to multitask or struggling to remember something else we need to get done or feeling stressed about what we have not done. Whether we take two minutes to meditate or sing out loud to that song we love...or four hours to lay on the couch + laugh with friends...we can just try to be fully there.

Be gentle with yourself, friend.

Also in this series on self-care :: roots + wellness 

Lots of love,
Jane

Movement + nature are another major component of self-care in this department. The wellness industry would like us to sell us personal trainers, books, classes, retreats, special clothing + equipment. 

We instinctively know that the true self-care comes from:
-moving...stretching, a few sun salutations, walking, yoga, whatever movement you enjoy
-getting into nature...walking, hiking + biking are great, but so is finding a shady spot for lunch...when it's hot sit on the stoop in the shade in the morning for a few minutes or at least by an open window

On these hottest of days...move, do yoga, or stretch under a fan...get the air moving. Play some vibey, soft music. Getting on the floor changes everything. Take a walk as the sun comes up. Play some happy, energizing music loud + dance. Sign up for a class or a membership, if it's in the budget + you know you'll go...but it's not self-care, if our budgets can't support it.  ;)

Whether or not I feel like tying my shoes to go for a walk in the morning, the outdoor air always holds something to notice...heat, humidity, a breeze, a change. I feel small in the bigness of nature...even in my neighborhood. I usually walk with my girls, so there is conversation + closeness. And back at home, I feel like I've done it (!)...the chore of exercise no longer looms over my head. My legs + my lungs feel stronger. There is a lightness + usually a smile. Now that is self-care...no debt...no guilt...less stress.

​A healthy diet, movement + a little time spent in nature can set us up for another crucial aspect of self-care...sleep. A regular schedule for bedtime + waking is helpful. A twenty minute nap can be a rejuvenating treat as well.  :)

While our circumstances + preferences will vary greatly, I think our thought processes can have something in common along the way. Self-care is not truly self-care if it leaves us feeling more stressed about our health, time or money. True self-care promotes true thriving.  :)

​Also in this series :: roots + time

Love,
​Jane

The promotion of self-care is everywhere, and that's no surprise. We live busy lives filled with obligation, and many (most?) of us are left feeling depleted. And when something can be sold...the opportunity is sure to be leapt upon with great vigor. A search for self-care on beauty + fashion websites produces lists of posh meditation + yoga retreat centers or lists of products to purchase. A search on instagram produces pictures of coffeeshop drinks + facials + sculpted eyebrows + toddler's hands painted with nail polish.

When we take a minute to think about what we would truly like to get out of self-care...we might desire it to spark healing + rejuvenation. The way we often partake, however, is more as a sort of quick fix. We look for hits of dopamine/pleasure that we can get from things like shopping + sugar. These indulgences act as a sort of inadequate bandaid used to patch over an unwell life...when what we are really searching for is a feeling of peace within our minds + souls. 

As a matter of perspective: 
--This whole understanding of self-care seems to be relatively new. Self-care has long been a term used in the mental health care field to determine a person's ability to care for him or her self + to perform the activities of daily living such as feeding oneself, bathing, getting dressed, brushing teeth + remaining continent.
--It's interesting to think about what self-care would have meant to the masses up until quite recently. Making sure that a family or tribe had shelter, enough to eat, firewood + appropriate clothing was a full-time endeavor. Surely this is + was considered self-care. This is the way many around the world would still view self-care today.
--Our own views of self-care will vary based on personal preferences + life circumstances. 

I think that many of us (and quite possibly even those mentioned above) could agree to some degree that the goal of good self-care is to enable thriving. Self-care can take many forms, but if we neglect the roots of our stress, anxiety + barriers the effects will be fleeting.

Effective self-care comes down to truly knowing ourselves + taking an honest look at the lives we are living. If self-care is, at least in part, about being able to take care of ourselves...we can start by asking ourselves:
-Am I getting enough sleep?
-Am I feeling nourished through the foods I eat?
-Does showering, washing hair + brushing teeth feel like a chore?
-Is my/our laundry routine working for me/my family?
-How is my health? Mentally? Physically? Spiritually? Am I self-medicating in a negative way?
-Do I have some supportive people in my life? Do I feel isolated?
-Is my living situation clean, safe + nurturing?
-What parts of my life feel overwhelming?

Once we've been thoughtful + honest about our current reality, we can go back to each of these questions + think about what we would like the answer to be or look like. Be as specific as possible. Do you want to start each week with clean sheets + a stack of clean underwear? Do you want your littles to know what to wear each morning? Write it down. This can start to direct our self-care efforts.

Now...clean sheets on Sundays...that's self-care. Organizing your littles' closets so that all five pairs of their pants match all seven of their tees + their two hoodies (it's not just about matching...it's mainly about less)...that's self-care. Another frappe could never touch the thriving that these actions will bring!

We'll dive a little bit deeper into self-care here in the days to come.

My desire is for your health + thriving. As always, these are just my thoughts + not a substitute for professional mental health care. Please be kind to yourself + ask for help, if you think it might be helpful. 

​Also in this series :: time + wellness

Much love,
Jane