Ritual was our focus in January. "Ritual" might be a softer word than "habit" + adds a dimension of intention too. This month, rituals as simple as homecoming hugs came into focus as treasured moments of turning + connection. 

"The turning" has been a particular spot of enlightenment this month. It started as a name for a moment we take each morning to turn our minds away from all that distracts + toward our intention. I can get so wound up in what I need to do, what others think, how they misunderstood me, etc., etc. Soon my mind has led me so far off track from where I want to be + how I want to think. I need to interrupt it all + change directions.

Some call it meditation. We're calling it "the turning". We sit comfortably, set a timer, close our eyes + sit in silence. Recently, I have been focusing on the statement, "I am breaking old patterns + moving toward love." It's been a particularly beautiful + useful addition to our mornings.

I need some form of this turning multiple times throughout my day. I have a recurring alarm set on my phone reminding me to do it after work, as a transition to my after-work state of being as well. My partner carries an item in his pocket that he can grab hold of in order to redirect his mind as needed throughout his day. It's helpful to be doing this together + to be able to remind each other of how we want to be without fear of sounding preachy. We are at once each other's sounding board, teammate + cheer leader.

We are recognizing some of our other rituals as "turnings" as well these days. Our homecoming hugs (that we intentionally move our bodies + take the time to do) turn us away from our work days toward a time of reconnection. Our extended weekend hike or walk turns us away from so much that occupies our minds + toward nature + appreciating our home place. Drinking tea with nothing in front of us except each other turns us away from devices, news or entertainment + toward "we". Reading a book together turns us away from our individual pursuits + toward shared focus + growth. 

The turning...a ritual that captures our attention + opens our hearts in the right direction.

Love,
Jane

Love is, in fact an intensification of life,
a completeness, a fullness, a wholeness of life.
​
Life curves upward to a peak of intensity, 
a high point of value + meaning,
at which all its latent creative possibility go into action
+ the person transcends himself or herself
in encounter, response, and communion with another.
​
It is for this that we came into the world-
this communion + self-transcendence.
We do not become fully human until
we give ourselves to each other
in love.
~Thomas Merton

Living in England, as Americans, we were constantly reminded of the different meanings that words could be assigned. "Chips" in the UK are "fries" in the USA. "Chips" in the USA are "crisps" in the UK. I may have thought that there was a finite collection of words that one could learn + move forward code switching between...but it became evident within a day or two that practically every sentence uttered between us needed some sort of clarification. This constant attention to language was and continues to be thought provoking.

The other day, I was (again) considering contentment after noticing, with some annoyance, my inability to keep hold of it. I began to turn the idea of "good"-ness over + over in my mind. 

In the UK, commenting that a dessert is "nice" is heartfelt praise. At first threw me off, because in the USA, "nice" is a pretty neutral adjective in the same context. It may even be used to add an element of sarcasm to the comment. I like the British usage far more, and wonder if it might offer us a little insight into our lack of contentment, especially as Americans.

In the USA, we often use words like "nice", "good", "fine" and "okay" as pretty neutral words. As Americans, we strive for so much better than the baseline...better than neutral. We strive for "spectacular", "exciting", "wondrous", "awesome", "amazing", "incredible". While all of that is great sometimes, it sets us up for discontent + dissatisfaction.

It's easy to recognize goodness when we don't have it. When we are sick + can't breathe through our noses, we know the goodness of being able to breathe unobstructed. But even as our noses clear, we are already forgetting to see the goodness in that feeling. 

But what if we could truly perceive the goodness of "good"...the okay-ness of ok...the niceness of "nice"...the fineness of "fine"? What if we could wake up to the goodness of having clothing that keeps us comfortable in the elements...the niceness of a warm cup of coffee or tea...the okay-ness of having enough to eat...the goodness of legs that carry us...the fineness of running water...the okay-ness of a roof over our heads...the goodness of the ability to read... 

"Good" is so good!

Love,
​Jane

​We make choices every day. The choices we make with the planet in mind usually have other benefits as well...benefits to our health, our pocketbooks, our style, our sense of adventure, our creativity, our sense of beauty, our connections...

• 17 :: taking to heart : "All life is interrelated. We are all caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one of us directly, affects us all indirectly." ~Martin Luther King, Jr.
• 18 :: choosing secondhand furniture.
• 19 :: using reusable shopping bags.
• 20 :: buying the bulk container + recycling it (rather than the shop owner doing it).       1 jug ($54) = 12 bottles ($132)
• 21 :: making our bedside tables ourselves. no shipping. no toxic finishes. no underpaid labor. no smashed fingers. no fights.
• 22 :: choosing compostable packaging.
• 23 :: nurturing plants. these lovely friends convert carbon dioxide into oxygen. it's symbiotic!
• 24 :: repairing my mask. taking in the stretched out elastic + adding a patch makes it ready to wear again...and again. 

A few days before the end of 2021, we decided to commit to Adrienne's 30 day yoga challenge. It wasn't absolutely clear when we would fit this practice into our schedules, but it felt important to make the commitment to move + stretch with intention.

Like many challenges, the first week went great. Each evening after dinner, the three of us got on our mats + moved along with Adrienne (what a kind teacher). She often prompts us to acknowledge that we've already done the most difficult thing before we've even begun...we've shown up.

As the second week set in, so did the obstacles...an injury, a visit we didn't want to pass up, and overly stuffed stomachs derailed our plans. And here is where a little more kindness comes in. Instead of deciding that we'd failed in our commitment, we decided that the commitment was 30 days of yoga...not necessarily 30 consecutive days of yoga. 

I truly believe that this is a better commitment. In our case, it is more realistic...and it just might result in a longer term practice. Some commitments require brutal, unwavering dedication. Sometimes we benefit from a little gentleness. I think we can tell the difference.

Love,
Jane

We've got enough to stress about these days. None of these choices are hard to make. (Well, maybe getting outside to walk in the snow.)  :)
​

• 07 :: Keeping warm from the inside out with a warm drink kept warm longer in my insulated thermos...allowing for less rewarming in the microwave + for me to withstand a little bit lower thermostat temperature in our house.  
• 08 :: Drinking local water enhances our ability to value this resource for ourselves + others too. Bottled water is often taken from drought ridden areas, packaged in plastic + trucked across the country. Let's preserve that resource for those who truly need it.
• 09 :: The bulk bins are out of commission these pandemic days, but we're still choosing loose fruits + veg in order to avoid packaging waste.
• 10 :: Choosing a compostable toothbrush has never been easier. The American Dental Association says that one billion toothbrushes are discarded every year in the USA, resulting in 50 million pounds of waste.
• 11 :: Using up all of the product still in the cabinets before purchasing an "ethical" version is the more zero-waste option.
• 12 :: Making a notepad out of one sided paper before recycling. Reuse what we cannot avoid...recycle after reusing.
• 13 :: Washing our clothing less saves water + power. I've worn these jeans every day for two weeks. No shame. 
• 14 :: Using loose tea rather than teabags (many of which contain plastic). Loose tea eliminates the barrier between me + seeing the lovely tea too.
• 15 :: Getting outside no matter how cold it is. Connecting with nature, feeling the seasons shift + noticing climate change certainly fuels my desire to fight climate change.
• 16 :: Going paperless allows less paper to be made, delivered + discarded. 

Hope you are keeping warm, northern hemisphere friends!  :)

Love,
Jane

Practice is an essential reset button that we must push many times
before we can experience any genuine newness.
Whether we're aware of it or not,
we are practicing all the time.
When we operate by our habituated patterns,
we strengthen certain neural pathways,
which makes us, as the saying goes, "set in our ways."
​
But when we stop using old neural grooves,
these pathways actually die off!
Practice can literally create new responses.
~Richard Rohr

I try to keep the amount of furniture in our home minimal. I like simplicity + we've moved enough to know the benefits of "less" intimately.  :) A lot of consideration goes into adding anything to our collection of things. Is it necessary? Will it be useful? Is it lovely? Is it multi-functional?

My partner + I felt that it would be useful + lovely for each of us to have a spot to set a drink in the morning or evening next to our bed. We had an idea of what I might like our bedside tables to look like, but was having a hard time finding something similar. 

Last weekend we decided to try making our own bedside tables. Tackling a project together sounded like a really nice way to spend part of our day off...and it was. These dark, winter, pandemic days can seem monotonous + uneventful. The motivation for this project was not only to create useful furniture, but also to create a memory together.

We had the home improvement store cut the boards for us and then sanded, glued + nailed the pieces together in the living room. It was a simple project that was so much less expensive than any other option we considered...and...we actually really like the way our tables turned out! It feels pretty luxurious to have our drinks within reach.  :)

These bedside tables are lovely + functional + have a story built in too. 

Love,
Jane

I've debated sharing this here, but I'm hoping it might provide some encouragement where it's needed. We paid off our mortgage in 2021.

Oh boy, my mind races with all the caveats I need to acknowledge. We are incredibly privileged. We have had no major health issues. We are college-educated. We were able to obtain a home loan. We did not suffer a gap in employment at any point during the pandemic. We are incredibly grateful.

At the same time, I want to acknowledge some of the pressures we dealt with on the way to achieving this goal. We lost all the equity we'd built up with the economic downturn of 2008. We moved overseas in 2008, and paid our mortgage in New Mexico for a full year (with the help of a few sporadic renters) before accepting an offer that would cover what we owed on that house. A couple of years later, we moved back to the states with $5000. We bought a car on a credit card + put that $5000 down on a house.

Our income totaled $40,000 per year. Since our downpayment was so low, we had to pay $125 for mortgage insurance every month. This payment would terminate when we'd paid off 20% of the mortgage, so we sent every extra penny to the mortgage. When we were no longer paying for mortgage insurance, I kept paying the same amount every month in order to pay down our principle faster.

With time our income soared to $50,000 per year. We are a family of four. We eat a lot of organic food, took our daughters to ballet classes and found ways to take a few vacations. Our older daughter lived at home + worked her way through community college + university. She now has her master's degree...and all with no debt. Our younger daughter is on the same path now.

So many of the concepts that can be found sprinkled throughout the pages here were the same ones that helped us become debt-free. I try to keep our expenses low, while appreciating all the good we have. We found concepts like these so helpful:

• learning to recognize + appreciating "enough"
• replacements only
• maintain a buffer
• budgeting for simple luxuries now + then (things as extravagant as bathroom renovations to things as simple as tea + candles)
• planting some of our own food (prioritizing the most expensive things like tomatoes + strawberries)
• appreciating simple pleasures
• not letting our things define us (a shabby car that runs is better than crippling car payments or no car at all)
• freedom is better than being a slave to debt
• we are rich in proportion to the number of things we can afford to leave alone (H.D. Thoreau)

Ten and a half years after we bought this house, we own it. It was not easy, but it is possible. 

Love,
Jane