Early on, I resolved to plant the seeds + tend the soil. With a little more time, I decided to let myself off the hook with the garden. I just didn't have energy to do it all...even all the good things.
We ended up with some resilient tomatoes + cucumbers anyway (when we decided to go out + get them). The other day, we pulled the tangle of weeds + vines from our garden beds and added spring's compost that still sat in the garage. As I pulled the last leaves, beets dangled heavily underneath them. I couldn't believe it. Were these survivors from our spring planting or were these late developments from months old seeds? I cut one open + found juicy gold inside.
Instead of setting myself up for leadership, I realized that I don't actually need to assert myself in that way. I don't want my currency to be more hours or more status or even more money. I realize that this signals a level of privilege. Certainly there is a point up to which more of these elements truly can translate into a better life. We talk about this often here in terms of garment workers and farmers. But at a certain point happiness or fulfillment levels off + can even begin to decline in relation to increased income. Scientists call this the fulfillment curve. I'm not sure I've reached the top of the curve, but I do believe that we can reach the top of the curve more quickly when we decrease our wants.
We swim in a sea where capitalism is king, and capitalism is all about accumulation. I've come to see clearly that accumulation is not my goal. I don't need a bigger wardrobe, a bigger house, a fancier car or better jewelry. My currency is love...love to give + to receive. My currency is joy, wonder, freedom, friendship, choice...choice in the form of how I spend as much of my time as possible.
Who knows where my work will take me? I've been able to raise questions + influence change from the bottom. I do not need to grasp at power or take every opportunity to make more money in exchange for my precious time. I'm not opposed to taking a leadership position, but the decision to shift into that position will be a carefully considered one should the opportunity arise.
Open hands. Let go. Receive.