release

the test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.  ~F. Scott Fitzgerald

i read this quote a couple of weeks ago and it keeps coming to mind in different situations.  a lot of our lives are lived in tension between two dichotomous ideas or desires.  too much...and...too little.  not being judgmental...and...holding accountable.  idealism...and...realism.  want...and...need. appreciation...and...greed.

i've felt this tension played out in my closet before...and here it is again.  maybe not a test of intelligence, but a test nonetheless.  i was actually feeling that i had my jeans situation figured out.  i've got one of each shape and a variety of shades.  i own a pair of full length skinnies and a pair of cropped skinny jeans.  a pair of flares and a pair of straights are in the stack.  i have boyfriend jeans and black jeans.  it could be excessive, or it could be prepared to never have to long for a pair of jeans again.  see...tension.  :)

i wrote that my march simple wardrobe was a journey...and this is where some of the struggle comes in.  i tried on all of my jeans...and while i do like them...i realize that i enjoy wearing the somewhat higher rise that i've been wearing this winter.  i haven't had to wear a belt...and i haven't had to check that everything is staying covered back there when squatting or leaning forward while sitting.  :)  i appreciate that not everything has to be perfect, but if i'm not going to reach for certain items much...then i'd like to let someone else enjoy and use them.

i realized that i could do without those 2 cropped (and a bit lower rise) pairs of jeans in black and faded denim.  i can wear my skinny (and a bit higher rise) jeans with a little cuff rolled at the bottom and accomplish the look of cropped jeans.   would it be better to have 3 pairs instead of 1?  it's possible that they would all last longer and i'd have more variety...but maybe they'd last long enough that they wouldn't be my real preference anymore...and then i'd want new ones anyway.  i liked wearing the black jeans for a bit dressier look, but i barely ever needed to do that in the last year...and i can wear a dress instead.  

so...i'm letting 3 out of 6 pairs of jeans go (the third pair is lower rise and straight).  one more is on trial this month.  as i've said before, i am not saying that anyone else should do this.  i'm not sure anyone else will even want to read this.  :)  i write this to expose my process and the struggle that is real...for me.  it's honestly not about getting things down to the smallest numbers possible- heck i have 6 pairs of jeans!  it's, for me, about being mindful.  consumption doesn't just happen at the shops.  it happens in my closet and cupboards...what i choose to keep and use...what i choose to hold and save.  this in turn affects what i choose to release and give...how i choose to be generous, not just with used clothing, but with my time, my affections, my compassion, my money, my devotion.

do i choose to be mostly about my own comfort, or can i see beyond myself to someone else's need for help. do i choose to see all of 'mine' as what i earned and deserve...or as what i have been blessed enough to receive...and what i can use to share with others.  the less i need, the more i have to release.  it's not just about clothing...but it might start there.  our closets are a place where most of us have something extra to give. maybe they can be a gateway to seeing the connection between our plenty and another's need.  maybe they can open for us a window into seeing that jobs and health care and education and healthy food are for everyone...and we have something to offer.

love,
​jane